The roles we have (mother, husband, company director, electrician, goal keeper, etc) along with the results we produce will vary from 0 to 10, as will our levels of skill in these roles. This is normal. Levels of results and roles vary day by day as a result of a myriad of different things. Some directly under our control, others not.
Our self-value/self-concept/self-esteem, or how we view ourselves, should always be a 10/10.
When our results drop or we experience difficulty in our roles, our self-value should not be affected. It should remain at 10 all the time. This is our innate value as a human being. We arrived empty handed with no roles, and we will depart the same way. Why should our innate value drop just because we did not score the goal, or did not reach the sales target, or are struggling with managing our kids, or breaking up with a loved one, or are experiencing difficulties managing our health? These are all roles and activities. All external stuff that comes and goes.
Take a perfectly made computer. Call it a 10. Perfect in design!
Now put a novice operator on it, does the computer loose value? Of course not.
Same goes with our life and our self-value.
Take an amazing human being (You!). Now have its operator (Your actions, speech and thoughts) be a novice at something – say playing the trombone for example. In other words you have not yet mastered it and play a lot of false notes, perhaps messing up the orchestra’s harmony. Does ‘You’ the human loose any value? Of course not. Does it make you a lousy person? Surely not. Just perhaps a lousy trombone player or a trombone player with L-plates on.
So this is what I understood a long time ago (unconsciously) and what saved me when I got sick, when business got tough, etc. I always fully value and love myself. The rest is stuff to manage. Sometimes it goes smoothly and I win, other times it doesn’t and I struggle..with it, not with myself.
When I learn new better skills, wisdom and strategies then I succeed more with performance and roles.
Thing is, you have already succeeded with yourself! You were born into this marvelous body, mind and world. The miracle is clear to see!
Now if poor results or difficult circumstances have caused us to devalue how we feel about ourselves – which is not at all unusual given society never taught us to keep them separate – then we must become aware of this misunderstanding, grasp the concept and internalise it.
People who feel good about themselves, produce good results!